Drawing close to Him

In my journey to find God and grow in my relationship with him, there were many ups and downs.  I read my bible for an hour each day...because I thought that is what a good Christian does.  I did everything Christian's tell you to do.  But I still felt cold and unfeeling about it.  I felt like I was lost.  I got to know my bible better, but God didn't feel involved.  He was there waiting for me to ask him, to involve him in my life.  See, God loves us so much that he will not force himself on us.  He patiently waits for us to seek him and ask him to be involved.  My stubborn, hard-headed self thought I could do this Christian thing without truly needing to ask God for anything in the process.  Talk about a one-sided relationship! :)

I got involved with a bible study at work.  I made friends with a couple people that I trusted to share my feelings with.  They gave me new ideas to think about.  They listened to me without judgement and shared God's word in application to what I was going through.  This helped me to see God in others.  To see what their relationships with him were like.  To see how mine could be better.

In the bible, the apostle Paul writes about how he does the thing he does not want to do instead of the thing he wants to do.  This may seem like a riddle, but in faith it is very true.  As Christians, we have been given a new spirit that desires to please God, we are a new creation.  At the same time, we struggle with sin because we have an inner nature that desires the instant gratification we find in our sin.  Our spirit struggles with that nature (called our Flesh) and often times I truly wanted to spend time reading my bible so I could be with God, but I let every little excuse keep me from doing that.  Until I found Philippians 4:13  "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  As I read that, it felt like a light bulb went off inside my brain.  If I can do all things through Christ, perhaps I can do nothing spiritually without him! 

I began praying for God to enable me to have the desire to seek him, the will to sacrifice my other activities to spend time reading his word and praying with him.  What a difference that made!  I no longer was trying to be a Christian in my own power, but I was relying on the power of God.  And he not only showed up, but in getting to know him, I have found such a confidence in who he is.  I have confidence in his love for me.